if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Someone came in the potted fern
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.