I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
