If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
