i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family