So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
