nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
