her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
