All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
