I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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