How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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