and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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