I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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