My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
