Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
