So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
