I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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