sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
there is puke in my bra ... again
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