I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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