I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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