all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
