So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
