its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
