I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
