she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
