plz talk dirty to me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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