I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
