So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
