By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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