Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
