Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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