it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
