I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
