Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
