dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
