hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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