ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
