i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
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I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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