This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
