tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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