STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
