So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
