I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
