My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
