dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
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She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
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we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.