You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
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Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?