I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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