How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.