My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you had me at cake vodka
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground