What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
