They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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