Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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