i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
