i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
