When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
