That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
