So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
