and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i've created a new STD.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
