Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
