her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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