I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize