I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
