Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I got her a Nickelback box set.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
