I didn't shave. On purpose
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
bring money and cleavage
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
