Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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