I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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