i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
PANTIES FOUND
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