Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
