How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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