turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize