Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
