We're like a lot better than the average bears
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
