He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize