A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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