Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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