They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
