There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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