Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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