My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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