Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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