Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
