Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
