sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
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